anenome: (Default)
2012-07-29 10:50 am

Afterword.

mistaking poison for passion,
I injected her into my veins.
felt the malady flow through me.
with the empty syringe now placed aside,
I am forever moving,
possessing an energy I thought I lost
in my sleep.
and she will rot in one place,
watching her own scattered heart
wither away
with each jaded day that passes by.
anenome: (Default)
2012-05-02 10:38 pm

(no subject)

Senior Thesis has been total chaos. I've been working non-stop in the gallery for over 48 straight hours. I'm in a state of exhaustion-induced euphoria, currently. And my poor ratties have been attention-starved. Hah. I've got my thesis paper turned in and my gallery exhibit is complete, so I'll sleep well tonight. :) I have two portfolios due first thing Monday morning, so I'm going to use tomorrow to work on that.

Ryan bought us tickets for the M83 concert in Atlanta. It's actually only a few days after my senior thesis show, which he's driving up here for anyway, so the timing works out well.

I got my new charger in the mail today. Thank god. My teacher has been asking me to drop hers off. I'll do that tomorrow.
anenome: (naaaked)
2012-04-26 01:02 am
Entry tags:

Myth

Drifting in and out
You see the road you're on

It came rolling down the cheek
You say just what you mean
And in between
It's never as it seems

Help me to name it
Help me to name it

If you built yourself a myth
You'd know just what to give

What comes after this
Momentary bliss
The consequence
Of what you do to me

Help me to name it
Help me to name it

Found yourself in a new direction
Arrows falling from the sun
Canyons calling
Would they come to greet you?
Let you know you're not the only one

Can't keep hangin' on
To what is dead and gone

If you built yourself a myth
You'd know just what to give
Materialize
Or let the ashes fly

Help me to name it
Help me to name it
anenome: (maddie eyes)
2012-04-25 03:42 am

(no subject)

I was going to start printing today, but wasn't quite able to fit myself in there before Edward left. And I don't know how to work the art department's printer by myself, so... O_O... I've been told that the printer takes about an hour per foot. I have 5 images that are 2ftx2ft. That's approximately 10 hours of printing before Friday. Ffffuuuuuu.

It's Ryan's birthday. :D I stayed up through midnight to bombard him with birthday messages. Then we skyped for a few hours. He's got a full day planned tomorrow, so I'm glad that the ratties and I got to have a birthday skype with him before we all went to bed.

All of a sudden, I just had this overwhelming smell of vinegar and tea tree oil. A nostalgia that's very much attached to Ryan and the last place I lived.

Speaking of bed. Sleep. ZZzzzz...
anenome: (Default)
2012-04-23 12:36 am
Entry tags:

Up on Melancholy Hill

Up on melancholy hill
There's a plastic tree
Are you here with me?
Just looking out on the day
Of another dream

Well you can't get what you want
But you can get me
So let's set up and see
Cause you are my medicine
When you're close to me
When you're close to me

So call in the submarine
'Round the world we'll go
Does anybody know
If we're looking out on the day
Of another dream?

If you can't get what you want
Then you come with me

Up on melancholy hill
Sits a manatee
Just looking out on the day
When you're close to me
When you're close to me

When you're close to me
anenome: (vanilla coke)
2012-04-15 02:27 am

Christmas 1994

So, I scanned a bunch of old pictures tonight. Including this gem.



I really wanted this dinosaur toy for Christmas. Its eyes lit up and it growled. I was completely obsessed with it. Any time I went to the toy store, I'd push all of the dinosaurs to the back so people wouldn't find them. Right before Christmas, though, I noticed there was only one left. I hid it, but I wasn't convinced that I hid it well enough. I cried all the way home, thinking someone would find it and my chances at getting that dinosaur would be ruined.

And guess who ended up getting it for Christmas?

I remember thinking how lucky I was that Santa found my hiding spot for it.
anenome: (Default)
2012-04-14 08:46 pm

Also

I found a large lump under Clementine's arm that I think is a mammary tumor. I'm going to call the vet on Monday, but I don't know how I'm going to scrape up the money for surgery. I haven't had any freelance work in months. Clementine is my baby, though, and I'll figure something out. It's just the worst possible time for health issues to pop up. :(
anenome: (Default)
2012-04-13 08:57 pm

(no subject)

It's hard to believe I only have a few weeks of school left. The closer it gets, the more bittersweet it feels. My senior thesis exhibit is May 1-11, and the reception is on the 10th. I've gotten so much positive feedback on my project. I still have a lot of work, mostly my paper, but it's exciting.

The other night, Joely bit my ear and completely pierced through it. I bled quite a bit. It's still sore. I'm not sure what to do about her aggression. Her biting is out of control.

I finally admitted to my parents that I got my eyebrow pierced. They were both upset, of course. Told me I was selfish and impulsive, and that if I know something offends them, I have no right to do it. I didn't think that was fair, pointing out that they were confusing respect with control. They did at least agree not to fight me on it, though, because it was already pierced. So I didn't struggle much. I just let them vent their frustration.

I downloaded GarageBand for iPhone. Ryan and I had been talking so much about making our own ambient-electronic music that I got curious about trying it out. I don't really expect to make anything that great, but I think it'll be fun to play around with.
anenome: (maddie blanket)
2012-04-06 04:15 am

(no subject)

I feel both impressed and saddened at the human ability to effectively mask ugly things like selfishness, manipulation, and control as love and other pretty things.

Bitches be delusional.
anenome: (Default)
2012-04-04 01:06 pm

(no subject)

So, I got back home yesterday morning.

On Sunday, Ryan and I went to Publix and got sushi and tiramisu. We had a pseudo-picnic at the Bluffs, then went to Barnes & Noble to read Catching Fire. Afterward, we went home and watched X-Men: First Class and episodes of Community.

Monday, we went to Five Guys and then Petco. There were a few rat-lovers by the rodent/small animals aquariums that I talked with for a while. Ryan and I watched these two ferrets playing - a smaller one with darker features was pouncing on and biting a bigger, gold-tinted one who looked like he just wanted to sleep. We dubbed them Harley and Gold Fury. On our way out, we stopped by the adoption center and played with the two cats that were there, McStinkey and Grey Girl.
We got coffees at Drowsy Poet and took them to Barnes & Noble. I read more of Catching Fire (I got to Part II) while Ryan went through graphic novels. Later on, we went to Ozone's with Tim. I found plastic wrapping of some sort in my pizza, so we ended up not having to pay for anything. We left our waitress like $8 as a tip, though.

I left Pensacola around 8:45am yesterday to go back home. I didn't really get much sleep the night before, so I was sleepy most of the drive. By the time I got home, I had an hour to spare before class. My rats hadn't had any human contact since Friday morning, and were so excited to see me that all three were jumping up and down. It was like popcorn popping in their cage.

Needless to say, I fell asleep pretty early last night. Around 9pm or so, I think. Ryan called and woke me up around 4am to play Minecraft on a new server. So we talked and played together for like 5 hours before he went to bed and I got ready for class.

Since class, I've just been Minecrafting. My obsession has re-sparked with the new server. :D
anenome: (Default)
2012-04-01 02:57 pm

(no subject)

I've been in Pensacola for the past couple of days.

Ryan and I went to see Hunger Games on Friday. I did quite like the movie, although I think I would've been a bit lost if I hadn't read the book. My biggest complaint was how rushed everything was and how underdeveloped the relationships felt. Seeing the movie initially, though, I was so analytical. I think I'd enjoy it more if I saw it again, with all the book comparisons out of the way and the ability to just watch and enjoy.

Afterward, Ryan, Adam, Billy, and I went bar hopping. We went to Cabaret and Sir Dick's, I know, but by the time we got to the third bar, I was too drunk to catch the name of it. The third bar had dart boards, and I'd never thrown darts before, so Adam showed me how. I did at least once hit the bullseye. I was so drunkenly proud of myself.

Ryan and I didn't fully wake up until 3/4pm the next day. Nathaniel's car had been broken into sometime that morning, so we got up and checked our cars. Only Nathaniel's had been touched, though. When we did wake up, we got Chick-Fil-A, then had our chunky monkey tradition at Drowsy Poet. We ended up going home to get drunk and play Scattergories with Adam, Billy, and Leslie.

I've been up for a little over an hour, and I'm not sick, but I'm hungry. Ryan's still asleep, so I'm considering driving up to Whataburger or something. Hm.

Anyway, it's been a really fun weekend so far. I'm driving back to Troy on Tuesday morning, so I'm reeeeally excited about the fact that I'll be here for Ozone's pizza night tomorrow :D
anenome: (Default)
2012-03-28 10:59 pm

Rat fights and valid feelings

The other day, baby Elanor got her ear sliced and head gashed by Joely. I often find scabs on all three rats, and Elanor got a small bite in her ear recently (my first time dealing with blood), but this is the first time I've dealt with real injuries. I had to clean her wounds out with peroxide. I'm not sure what to do about Joely's aggression. Elanor has been bullying her, and although Joely retaliated too roughly, I'm still pretty sure she was just reacting to the bullying. I can see in her eyes afterward that she is scared. Joely is much bigger than Clementine and Elanor, and I don't think she realizes her strength, especially with little bitty Elanor.

As of late, I'm trying to keep in mind that my feelings are entirely valid, but problems occur when I deal with them improperly. I'm often self-indulgent with negative feelings - sadness, bitterness, insecurity, etc. I'm learning how to take responsibility for my own feelings instead of blaming other people for them. I feel very empowered when I'm able to keep my head up and deal with things on my own, but I think the difficulty really is in breaking habit and getting myself out of this cave I retreat to for safety when I'm too scared to take responsibility for myself. I feel good about my progression, though, and I've remained stable.

Anyway, I've felt much better about The Hunger Games thing since Ryan and I talked about it a few days ago. I'm going to Pensacola on Friday, and we're planning on seeing the movie together this weekend. If we can get in free, that is.

I have more to write, mostly about a debate I had in class today, but I'm tired and I want to watch at least one more episode of Community before I go to bed. So I'll save it for tomorrow.
anenome: (maddie eyes)
2012-03-24 03:18 pm

(no subject)

Yesterday's weather was eventful. My alarm woke me up at 9am, and I realized I was already late for my Senior Thesis class. So I jumped out of bed, threw clothes on, and started to run out the door. On my way out, I heard the tornado siren and saw the dark clouds. Kourtni came out of her room and told me a tornado was on its way. I texted Whitlee, and she said they were all huddled in Bob's office. I didn't see the point in going over to the school, so I stayed at home and watched the local weather on TV.

The first tornado touched down near the airport, which is north of us. A second rotation was spotted and went right over us, but I don't think it ever touched down. In the meantime, we got flooded.

After the warnings were lifted, I went to school just to make sure class didn't resume. (It didn't.) It was still storming, and as I was walking up to the Art department, lightning hit the pole I was passing. The lightning strike was accompanied by this horrible deafening sound that caused me to high-tail it inside. The pole was literally smoking. It scared the shit out of me.

I had one other class at 11am, but only five of us showed up. Our teacher told us to just go home and said she'd have something on Monday for the five of us who made the effort to get here.

So I ended up going home and playing Minecraft. I finished setting up my Portal/mine rooms. Then I watched Tenderness and Pitch Black before falling asleep.

Today, I've just been watching Community. I'm currently on season 1, episode 16. I love it so far, though. Annie is my favorite.
anenome: (skin)
2012-03-22 09:18 pm

(no subject)

After class today, I was able to catch a meeting with my last committee member. He gave me an A for the work I showed him, so in the end, I had three A's and two B's for senior thesis mid-review. I'm quite satisfied with that.

I've been on my period for three weeks. I'm thinking I need to go see a doctor.

I went to Walmart earlier with Kourtni, and after walking around for a while, I realized that I was armed with a box of tampons and a box of donuts. It really was a perfect description of how my body has felt lately.

The apartment next to mine is blaring music. I'm laying in bed hoping I'll drift out of consciousness soon.
anenome: (legs)
2012-03-22 10:09 am

(no subject)

I met up with a new guy from OKCupid last night. It was... I don't know. In our IM's, he seemed to be understanding of the fact that I wasn't looking for anything more than platonic friendship. So I agreed to meet up with him last minute at Village Coffee.

He thought Minecraft was stupid. He didn't know any of the 70s punk rock bands I listed as having grown up on. He asked me if I was "scene." He wasn't interested in seeing pictures of my rats, and thought it was weird that I had pet rats. He was playing DrawSomething most of the time as I sat awkwardly sipping my coffee.

We were, at least, able to hold a conversation about religion and existentialism.

At some point, he asked me if we could change the subject because my existentialist viewpoints were depressing him. He started asking me about bisexuality and asking me about my preference, so I tried explaining to him that I'm not physically sexual. He asked me about my current sex life, and I tried to be as open as I felt comfortable with. He went on to say I wasn't being safe by having sex with my friend, started quizzing me about what I would do if I got pregnant, etc. I felt slut shaming in his words.

But I'll be goddamned if he didn't take that opportunity to ask me to make out with him. I declined. He tried to guilt trip me into it by saying it "would mean a lot to him." He would say he's fine with being platonic friends if that's what I wanted, and when I said I did, he kept going back to wanting to make out. Every word I used to defend myself and my decision (which I shouldn't have even had to do) were being used against me. I kept trying to further explain my lack of physical sexuality in hopes that something would strike a chord enough for him to stop, but his response made it clear he didn't - and likely wouldn't - understand. But I stood my ground. Kept saying no. By the time we departed to go home, he was asking if I would kiss him when we hung out next. So exhausted and ready to go home, I just said, "I don't know."

I feel doubtful that we'll make good friends, so I'll probably just stick to public places in the daytime if I agree to meet up with him again. He lives in my apartment complex, so I'm kind of anticipating him to try getting me over to his apartment. If it starts turning stressful, I'll just cut it off.
anenome: (lights)
2012-03-20 09:02 pm

(no subject)

My sleeping schedule is currently back on track. Waking up before my alarm goes off means I've been able to take my time waking up in the mornings.

My class today was canceled. Teacher apparently got sick last minute.

I photographed Kathleen and her boyfriend, Cody, today. I'm photographing Whitlee tomorrow, and after that, I only need one more person.

I'm also supposed to set up a meeting with Joslin so I can show him all of the material that I presented at senior thesis mid-review. I need him to critique and grade me before Thursday, but damn it, he won't reply to my emails.

Kourtni made homemade donuts using a recipe she found on Pinterest. They were so good. Unfortunately, though, we're starting to hit summer temperatures, which means we've had fruit flies in our apartment. The donuts drove them crazy, which drove us crazy.

So tired. Crawling into bed sounds so incredible right now.
anenome: (Default)
2012-03-20 08:17 am

First entry on DW.

First entries can be so awkward. So I'll jump right in this.

Yesterday was my first day back to school after spring break. I just had one class and a meeting with my senior thesis director. I emailed my director earlier in the day to see if we could reschedule for Wednesday, but she couldn't, so we still had to meet, even though I didn't really have anything new to show her. It went fine, though.

I had a coffee after my meeting, and picked up Kourtni to go to the grocery store. We went to the gym afterward. Terrible idea. I was on the elliptical for 10 minutes before I realized that I was getting woozy and sick, but unfortunately, I couldn't make it to the bathroom at TC in time. I did, at least, make it to a trashcan outside before I started puking. It was pretty embarrassing, but hey, what can you do? Afterward, I went to the bathroom and cleaned myself up, and then Kourtni took me home. I took a shower and curled up on the couch with the computer until I fell asleep.

Moral of the story: Don't agree to an impromptu gym session if you just drank coffee.